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Me, Alfie and The Shouting Man

Tuesday, September 1st, 2015 - Comedy, Events, Our Team

I had the privilege of seeing a film at Somerset House recently. Not just any film, but a Sundance winner and it was the UK premier, so the first time shown here. And I was there, with my boy Alfie.

For me, whoever at Somerset House came up with the idea of their Summer Series of live gigs and films should be knighted at the very least. It’s the perfect venue, especially on a beautiful summers evening, turning into night when it is so perfectly lit. It always makes me appreciate living in London and being able to rock up at places such as this, half hour journey from where I live.

Unfortunately on this particular night, the weather forecast wasn’t looking good, but we were determined, so waterproofs packed with the cushions previously purchased from the venue, we were ready for whatever conditions ensued.

The film was due to start at 9pm but as we pleasantly discovered it wasn’t just a premier, but the last night of the season too. As we were getting settled, having found our pitch on the cobbled stones (hence the cushioned cushions) with about 30 minutes to go the rain started to come down. Not torrential rain, but consistent.

But no problem, everybody had come prepared and we were all excited at the prospect of a premiere, the first showing anywhere in the UK.

On the stroke of 9pm THE man, my hero, the chap responsible for the Summer Series came on stage to introduce the film, explain this was the last night of the series, so an even more special night, and that the stars of the film, the Director and the man behind the music, Brian bloody Eno no less, live at Somerset House. With me and Alfie.

As I was quietly explaining to my boy who Brian Eno was, who he has worked with, what a maverick he has always been, still listening to the speech which was going through the thanking stage, Mr Loudmouth made his first appearance of the evening. Part heckle, part ignorant, complete prat and sitting near me.

There is always one and in this case, to make matters worse, the girl in front of me, not with Mr Loudmouth, was laughing at his dumb ass comments, therefore encouraging him. “Hurry up it’s raining” “Talk faster” “This is boring” “Put the bloody film on” And on and on.

Even as the actors, Director and Brian were being introduced all genuinely excited about being there, telling the story of the film, how the Director and Brian Eno had communicated and sent the music through email and had only met for the first time the day before.

A poignant story behind the Directors love of England and why he had dedicated the film to his Father.

But ‘shouty’ man continued oblivious, girl in front occasionally joining in. I should have told them to shut up, or dragged them out with a swift kick up the ‘jacksy’ on their exit. But Alfie gets embarrassed even if I complain my food is cold in a restaurant so he would have been horrified if I would have said anything.

Why do they do it? Do they think they are funny? Thinking everybody is shooting admiring glances, “I wish I could be like that loud mouth prat”. You’ve got them at football but they are a slightly different breed as they are surrounded by fellow shouters  so they have to stand out by shouting out football ‘terms’ that they have heard on MOTD. “Second ball!” ” Keep your shape!” “Watch the runner” “You’re shit!” And they want everybody to hear because they think they really know the game and all around agree with their comments. But they really don’t.

Back to Somerset House. Introductions over, film on, the rain increased in velocity and empty spaces started to appear. Lightweights who were there for the booze and picnic more than the film. And guess who was the lightest of lightweights? Scarpered at the first sign of thunder?

Alfie and I, troopers that we are, stayed until the final credit of the final credits, met the cast, went to a top London nightspot with them, slept in their hotel suites and are in the sequel ‘Me, Alfie, Brian and the crying girl’ out in cinemas 2018. Previewing at Somerset House. Anybody that interrupts the speeches will be hung drawn and quartered.

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